tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6733178523874528392.post3029612909475373978..comments2023-09-16T06:57:21.945-04:00Comments on Speaking Out: What Do You Do When it Hurts? (Reaching Out)Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13465951012394161705noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6733178523874528392.post-21059559581168801882010-04-01T14:26:50.164-04:002010-04-01T14:26:50.164-04:00You all have no idea how much I love you. I mean R...You all have no idea how much I love you. I mean REAL, sisterly, my-LORD-what-would-I-do-without-you LOVE! Squishes!!!Meganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13465951012394161705noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6733178523874528392.post-51315949048596057032010-04-01T02:48:30.244-04:002010-04-01T02:48:30.244-04:00Megan, i'm so glad you reached out.
I think f...Megan, i'm so glad you reached out. <br />I think forgiving oneself is an ongoing process. Sometimes, it's okay to just accept that you can't forgive yourself yet but that you want to. <br />One thing that helps me is a loving kindness meditation. <br />You can google it... sharon salzberg has one that I really like...<br />Good luck. You're doing good. You're not faulty or broken. You're human.DLhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11971226704327883196noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6733178523874528392.post-16519937476147043232010-03-31T18:09:35.252-04:002010-03-31T18:09:35.252-04:00Megan, we tend to blame ourselves for things that ...Megan, we tend to blame ourselves for things that were either not in our control or that weren't as bad as we ourselves believed they were. We sometimes carry heavier burdens than we should, than common sense or logic dictates. I think this is true especially of survivors. Forgiving yourself in such a case is a matter of accepting that it wasn't truly your fault, or that you couldn't help it for whatever reason. It's important not to allow yourself to exaggerate the impact or your part in whatever happened.<br /><br />The main thing, I feel, is to evaluate the circumstances honestly and accept what you should then let the excess go. In dealing with what's left, you need to look inside your heart. Search your soul and ask what your intention was. Consider what frame of mind and emotions you were in at the time. Compare it to your feelings and intentions now. Are you the same person? If not, is it because you've made better choices with your life and worked at coping and healing the aspects that were bringing you down, affecting your behavior?<br /><br />Who you are now is the person you need to embrace. You can't change who you were in the past, or erase the things you feel terrible about. But you can let it go and forgive her, because she was still you and you are not a bad person. Looking in your heart will tell you that.<br /><br />We all make poor choices at times, no matter how far we come. We just need to accept that we're imperfect and capable of messing up and get over it. Feel a bit bad when things go wrong, but don't blow it out of proportion. And give yourself credit for what you're doing right!Lori R. Lopezhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02208728430011542751noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6733178523874528392.post-84549671639370421192010-03-31T11:47:59.453-04:002010-03-31T11:47:59.453-04:00Tracie and Sydney, I think I needed to read EXACTL...Tracie and Sydney, I think I needed to read EXACTLY what you both had to say. I'm trying to feel it and let it go but it hurts. Bad. really bad. I know it will get better but at this moment I've got to rely on my friends to pull me through. I feel lost. Thank you both.Meganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13465951012394161705noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6733178523874528392.post-25746334882750288352010-03-31T11:37:06.532-04:002010-03-31T11:37:06.532-04:00I think time will help. But realizing that everyo...I think time will help. But realizing that everyone in this world has made choices that they later regret and accepting that as ok is a first step to forgiving yourself. I have much trouble with this too. I have to always remind myself that no one is perfect, and we can be driven to choose something we later regret due to things like miss communication. If we truly do not understand the situation before us on all levels, emotionally, mentally etc, how can we make a wise choice? In this I find forgiveness for myself. I also understand that life is full of these choices every day. And I know that I've got to pick the wrong one every once in a while at least. But I also hope, that even when I pick a wrong choice, it some how, that I can not tell, has affected the world in some sort of positive manner. Maybe I accidently upset a person, but maybe that person from that experience was then able to look deeper inside themselves and learn about themselves, or even just learn how to deal with the world and the choices people make. I know this is kinda outside of the box but I hope it helps.~SydneyAngels Undercover and Undiscoveredhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12893815251897325864noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6733178523874528392.post-78310920598770446822010-03-31T11:02:40.023-04:002010-03-31T11:02:40.023-04:00The fact that you are able to hold onto hope shows...The fact that you are able to hold onto hope shows just how far you have come! As for forgiving yourself....these are my usual steps. I look at the situation and admit to myself exactly what I did wrong. I also look at the situation, as you said, the cycle of abuse, so that I can have a real understanding of what was going on int hat time and why I did what I did (it doesn't always excuse my behavior, but I find it important to understand the situation fully or it will continue to capture my thoughts and hold me captive) Then the final step, which I will share because I know you're a Christian, so this applies to you.....Sit down quietly with the Lord and ask Him for forgiveness. Did He forgive you? Of course He did! Are you going to continue to hold something against yourself that God has already removed the stain of? No! But you are going to think of it again.....every time it comes up, you say, "That is over now, and I'm not going there with it" and then you put on some music and you dance it out. You call a friend and you have a good talk (about fun things!)because you are worth forgiving! You are a special spectacular person who deserves to be able to move on with her life! Not forgiving yourself is like locking yourself in a tower and refusing to open the door. Everyone is waiting for you to come out......you have the key! Don't let yourself stay locked in that tower, there is big stuff going on out here and the rest of us want you to be a big part of it!Tracie Nallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07908908021649000930noreply@blogger.com