Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Enough is Enough
I've been very, very sick for the last week or so and I have decided to take a couple of days off of this little adventure. I'd much rather bring my best to the table than try to slide through the next couple of "Finding Angela Shelton" tasks halfheartedly. I wasn't going to blog at all during the break in my joy journey, but it occurred to me that this is the perfect opportunity to share with you one of the reasons that I've been able to come so far in my healing.
I know when enough is enough.
I've learned in therapy this time around that I have to do things at my own pace. I can't push myself too hard. When I do, I suffer setbacks. I get frustrated because I exhaust myself physically and mentally. Healing the wounds left by any type of trauma or abuse takes both mental fortitude and physical strength. Some days we just need to rest and be in the moment, to sit back and take a look at how far we've come. We can use our progress as a reminder that things will get better, even when we need to take some time to just breathe.
When I'm working through something really intense, I try to visit it a little every day. But on days like today, when I wake up to a swollen face and screaming sinuses, a migraine and matted hair that I just don't feel like brushing, antibiotics and an attitude due to being flat-out miserably ill... it's time to take inventory.
Have I made progress in my healing? Yup. So much progress that when I revisit the things I've noted in my journal entries and workbook pages, sometimes it amazes me that the things I'm reading came from my own pen.
Have I done the best I can and given it my all when I've had my all to give? Yup. When I've got it in me, I've got it in me and I don't give up.
Am I denying myself anything by taking a break in this process? Nope. As a matter of fact I'm gaining something... I'm gaining the benefits of taking care of myself and moving along one day at a time instead of expecting a quick-fix and getting frustrated when I feel stuck.
There is no such thing as a quick-fix when it comes to trauma work. It's a process. There's no shame in saying, "I can't do this right now" when you seriously can't handle it. Fighting through a difficult moment is one thing, but trying to force your way through something that takes time is another.
So if you'll pardon me and my double ear infection, my severe sinus infection and my migraine, we're going to snap this laptop shut and take a nap with our Puff's Plus and our Vick's salve and our heating pad.
I'll be back to the "Finding Angela Shelton" journey as soon as I'm feeling better. In the mean time, happy healing!