Saturday, March 20, 2010
Anger, Abandonment and Twitter Trauma (A Lesson in Counting My Blessings)
So, the last couple of days have been incredibly stressful for me. First things first... A couple of weeks ago, I sent out invitations to a meet-up at my house. Eight people RSVP'd that they would be there. Six others responded that they "might" be there. The morning of the meet-up came and nobody - not a single soul - showed up. Boy, oh boy! What a trigger! I was immediately reminded of just about every time in my life that I'd ever felt abandoned. Not exactly the best way to spend a morning - especially when you're surrounded by fruit trays and pretty place settings accented by your best crystal glasses that are just waiting to be filled with the fresh-squeezed orange juice you were so looking forward to sharing with your guests. The amount of preparation and hard work that went into "the event that never was" is enough to wear me out just thinking about it. So nobody showed up, I spent the morning alone and disappointed and crying like a four-year-old because I'd had my feelings hurt. I was in a funk the entire day because of the emotional triggers. Not so fun.
I went to bed that night absolutely determined to wake up the next morning with a fresh perspective and an adjusted attitude. So nobody showed up. Things could be much, much worse. I had "gotten over" the shunned feeling, and went about my morning routine without a hitch... until I checked my email. What happened next is too complicated to explain. Let's just say that - honest mistake - I no longer have a Twitter account thanks to some "mis-clicks" and some confusion that I'm still trying to straighten out with Twitter's customer service people. For those of you who don't follow me on Twitter, let me tell you that if you did, you would understand why it's so important to me to have that Twitter account up and running. Remember when I talked about how trauma is relative? How if it's trauma to YOU, it doesn't matter if it's trauma to someone else? Well, losing my @MizzMeggs Twitter account was TRAUMA to me, especially when it happened on the heels of the crappiest day I'd had in quite some time.
Can I just say... THANK GOD FOR FRIENDS! Several of my online friends helped me by listening to me vent, rant and rave. They suggested ways for me to let the feelings out and ways for me to get past the trigger... One friend came over to visit and had a nice chat with me. We laughed together and talked about some serious issues together, and by the time she left my house, I felt refreshed... One friend called to check on me because she was worried about me. This particular friend and I both understand the concept of "inner children" and she was quick to remind me that the feeling of abandonment had set off my inner child's temper tantrum (the day full of crying and pouting because nobody came to my "party"). With her reminder that I am loved, I hung up the phone and spent some time playing with my kids and laughing with my husband. My mother came over to visit a bit later in the evening. I started counting my blessings, and I went to bed with a smile on my face.
I woke up at 5:30 this morning. I got up, made some coffee, logged into my Facebook account, and played around for a while. My eight-year-old son woke up early too, and we spent some time cuddling on the couch, flipping through infomercials and laughing at the ridiculous things people are spending money on. My husband and my preschooler are still sawing logs as I write this blog entry. They will no doubt wake up and head straight for the couch to join in on our family's Saturday morning ritual of sitting on our butts in front of the television. I'm sitting here in my home with a smile on my face, knowing that I am blessed beyond measure, and knowing that I'm officially past the "feeling like crap" stage of these last two fiascoes.
Because in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't matter that nobody showed up for my get-together. I'll schedule another one for another day and hopefully some people will be able to make it. It doesn't really matter that I lost my Twitter account. I can start a new one if Twitter won't restore my old one, and I'll reconnect with the people who followed me and exchanged valuable information with me on a daily basis. In the grand scheme of things, all that really matters to me at this moment is that I came through a couple of crappy days with an understanding that I can get past the occasional let-down. What really matters is that I no longer let anger and guilt consume my life. Sure, I might spend a couple of days down in the dumps, and that's okay. What really matters is that now I can process things and put them behind me, moving on and moving back into that place of joyfulness that has been my home for a good long while now. What really matters is that now I know how to count my blessings. Do you?