Give a Click for Depression Awareness Month

Lately Tuesdays around here have been reserved for the Happiness Project, but I received a guest post from Tracy Rose and the staff at HelpForDepression.com that is rather time-sensitive (you have until October 15th to "give a click" - it's free and easy to help so please read on). I'll do my best to jump back into the Happiness Project next week. Today in lieu of a happy photo, I'd like to share this post with you:

Give a Click for Depression Awareness Month

One of the most difficult aspects of dealing with depression is the social stigma attached to it.  This stigma can manifest itself in many ways, but perhaps the primary block in most people’s mind is that depression is actually something you can just “snap out of” – as if long-term, overwhelming sadness and despair is really just someone “going through a funk.”

This stigma keeps thousands of depressed individuals from seeking help in the form of counseling or medication.  It keeps thousands more in a closed cycle of hopelessness.  About 35,000 people commit suicide every year in the United States, many of whom have a mental illness such as depression.  What’s worse is that for every single completed suicide there are about 11 more attempted suicides.  

This is a tragedy beyond words.  Even though so many people suffer from depression – as many as 1 in 10 – it is still hard to reach out to those who need help.  Building a support network of trusted friends, healthcare providers, or even online acquaintances who have experience with depression can help erode the number of people losing their lives to depression.

Perhaps one of the best things about being depressed in this day of age (if anything!) is the accessibility of resources for those who decide to help themselves or someone else.  There are so many online chat support groups, informational websites, and resource referral banks to choose from, but you have to make the commitment to yourself to look for them!

October is Depression Awareness Month.  Advocates for organizations geared toward helping people with depression are determined to use this month as a tool for spreading information and awareness about depression and how to end it.  One of the most valuable services these organizations are performing is trying to erase the stigma of depression.

Groups like Help for Depression and To Write Love on Her Arms regularly help thousands of depressed people, and they are working hard to let the nation know how common and just how devastating depression is.  Still greater is their commitment to helping individuals with depression seek and find the help they desperately need.

Thankfully, there is an easy and free way to give them money!  Just “like” HelpForDepression.com on Facebook, and for the first 15,000 “likes” they will donate $1 to the non-profit To Write Love on Her Arms.  Spread the word: this charitable promotion only lasts until October 15^th. 

Together, we can end the stigma associated with depression, just by taking a stand to support these organizations working to raise depression awareness.  So get started!

*Images courtesy www.HelpForDepression.com

Until next time, may you be blessed - and inspired to pass it on!

Bring on the Noise!

My friend Kerri recently asked me to write a guest post for her blog because she's decided to use her blog as a platform for friends to share their stories during National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week.
I know it seems everything has an "awareness week" nowadays, and to be honest I'm kind of excited about that. I think giving people the chance to use their voices to educate others about whatever they are facing is a good thing. I've heard and seen complaints about the amount of "noise" created by awareness campaigns on Twitter and facebook and other sites but sometimes I wonder how many millions of people would still be sitting in silence and suffering alone were it not for the advent of social media and all of its awareness. I say bring on the noise!

The blog post I shared with Kerri's readers is a bit snarky, but I still wanted to share it with you all here to give you a little glimpse into another part of my world. I'm not always sunshine and rainbows, remember? Sometimes I'm sunshine and sarcasm, and that's okay.

So here's the link if you're interested in reading:

guest post | "but you don't look sick!" - living with multiple sclerosis

Be sure to check out the rest of Kerri's blog. There's some fun stuff there, and there are more stories from people who live with invisible illness. Be sure to leave her a comment to let her know you stopped by!

Do you live with an invisible illness? Are you participating in National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week in any way? If so, you're more than welcome to leave a comment and share links, stories, etc.

Until next time, may you be blessed - and inspired to pass it on!

Lee Ferrill is Speaking Out

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. 

Sexual assault is not a "women only" issue. It's an issue that affects young girls, boys and men as well. The National Center for Victims of Crime's website states that "Sexual assault takes many forms including attacks such as rape or attempted rape, as well as any unwanted sexual contact or threats." (Emphasis mine.)

There are some wonderful people spreading the word and educating others about sexual assault over on Twitter this month. Twitter is where I made the connection with Lee Ferrill, a survivor and an advocate who really gets it. I am thrilled to have made this connection with Lee, and I'm thrilled to bring you this guest blog today. Lee inspires me on a daily basis. Let him inspire you with the story of how he became a voice in the movement to prevent childhood sexual abuse:

Lee Ferrill, Advocate

I have never felt as strong or as passionate about anything in my life. That is, about being an advocate for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. After 20 years of suffering in silence from being sexually abused from the ages of 2-13 years old, and 5 years of healing through therapy and group, I finally found my voice. And when I did, it felt really good. As I spoke up, people would listen, and show their support which was encouraging and empowering. There have been far more supportive feedback than negative, and thankfully I am at a place now where I can respond to the negative feedback in a positive way by trying to educate them.

I started speaking out through guest speaking to small male survivor groups in different cities around the province (Ontario) telling them about my experience of recovery in group therapy, and answering their questions, giving them hope and inspiration. It was a success, the group participants found it very helpful and comforting to know that the process does work, and to have their apprehension laid to rest by having their questions answered by someone who has been there. That was the beginning, and from there things really took off.  I was asked to tell my story on CBC Radio, a Canadian National Broadcast with former NHL All-Star Theoren Fleury. It had an overwhelming response resulting in a flood of calls, emails and feedback, and donations made to agencies providing services for men. After that experience, a variety of agencies in the mental health field began to ask me to speak to their staff. Over the course of less than a year I have told my story in front of thousands of people at a variety of conferences, discussion panels, and local television broadcasts with the clear message. Sexual abuse of children happens everyday, and it will continue to happen until we stand up and do something about it. I am proof of the research, the aftermath and the possibility of recovery.

I am considered by most to be an advocate for male survivors. Which I feel is important because males are rarely considered as victims within our society, usually we are thought of as the offender.  And with very little awareness, there is very little funding and resources for men in our communities. However, I feel that being an advocate for men, I am also raising awareness for women. It's about raising the awareness and helping others find their voice, or being a voice for people until they can find their own. It is about being active in our communities, raising awareness, raising funds, creating services and helping others to move from isolation to inclusion. Sexual abuse has been swept under the rug for too long because it is not something people want to talk about. Well I believe that as I continue to talk about it with other advocates, we are normalizing the issue, so that people will speak up about their own abuse, or abuse that they have witnessed.  That is what needs to be done in order to end this horrific crime against innocent children.

Thank you for your support,
Lee Ferrill

*** 
You can follow Lee Ferrill on Twitter by clicking here. If you'd like to search for tweets specifically related to Sexual Assault Awareness Month, just search Twitter for the hashtag #SAAM.

A Light Will Show You the Way (by Philip Duncan)

I like to start my days with devotions and coffee, devotions and tea, devotions and donuts incredibly healthy foods. This past week, I read an email devotional that was addressed specifically to survivors of abuse and violence. I'm sharing the complete article with permission from the author. I hope it speaks to your heart as much as it spoke to mine.

- A SPECIAL MESSAGE TO A SPECIFIC GROUP OF GOD'S PEOPLE* -

 
Bible Focus: Psalm 97:10-11 - “Love the LORD and hate evil! God protects his loyal people and rescues them from violence. If you obey and do right, a light will show you the way and fill you with happiness.” (Contemporary English Version)

The longer I live, the more I am becoming aware of abuse and violence in our world. The writer of the 97^th Psalm apparently was very aware of many of the injustices around him. He mentions in this psalm the promise of God’s justice three times.

Injustices in our day, just as in the psalmist’s world, often occur to innocent and good people; many of them are Christians. “Why does God allow these things to happen?” is a question I often hear; and at times, it is a question I ask, too.

I don’t know the answer. But these things I do know: I trust God because I know He loves me (Jesus’ death on the cross proves that to me); He wants me to hate evil as much as He does; and, He will rescue those who have suffered violence.

If you are a victim of abuse, you will most likely find yourself dealing with strong emotions such as anger and fear. Even if you are now free from the act(s) of violence, you may continue to be held captive by troubling thoughts and feelings related to your experience.

God wants to protect you from the additional harm that may come to you as a result of faulty thinking and from behavior fueled by negative emotions. He wants to bring healing to your life. Healing involves doing things God’s way. Do the right things: things that He teaches in His word that are good for you and things that you can do that will help others. Then you will become more aware of the light of His Spirit… a light that will help you find your way through a very dark and troubling part of your life.

My prayer is that you will be freed from the hurtful after-effects of the wrongs you have experienced and that you will trust God to bring justice to you and to those who have harmed you. Give Him the hurtful thoughts and emotions that are so much a part of your daily life and watch God replace them with the joy that comes from your relationship with Him and with others who love Him. And, I pray that God will place good people in your path… people who will help light your way with God’s tenderness, compassion and love.


*Written by and shared with permission from Philip Duncan

Blog Party: Meet Patty, My Virtual Sister

Patty is Co-Founder of LavenderPower.org. As their site proclaims, "Lavender Power is about the synergy between phenomenal women working together to end the abuse of violence and sex and to heal and help others heal." One of the things that I love about Lavender Power is the Sisterhood. It's a place for me to find women like myself. Women who are survivors. Women who are working hard to make a difference with the tools that they've been given. Patty is my Lavender Sister, and she's a true inspiration to thousands of women wordwide. I love Patty because she is supportive and network oriented. She's all about the connection, the love, the bond, the reaching out. Patty is well-known for her educational and inspirational quotes about healing from abuse and the steps to recognize, react and respond to abuse. You can read a list of Patty's famous quotes here. Patty wants to share her WHY with us:


Growing up means different things to each of us perhaps. For some of us, there are more fond memories than bad,for some of us, like myself the other is true. For me, growing up included being the "Shameful, guilty, worthless little girl" always trying to please another to be accepted and being an easy target. My vulnerability and low self-esteem and the need to feel loved, made me a delightful target for an evil molester. Looking back, I have learned to consider the tough times as part of what has made me who I am. And I have credited God for letting me go through even the most difficult times, because I know who I am, and I have seen what others have become.

Character is said to be built, and there is good reason for that. Character does not come easy or cheap. It is nurtured over time, and often involves many tough times and hard lessons. When I was young, I use to ask, "Why?" And with regard to life today, I still ask "WHY?" But the tough times still come and there is still plenty of character needing built within me.

Knowing that doesn't make dealing with everything a piece of cake, but it sure makes it easier to remember that God is still God, good can come from bad, and I can, in the midst of a storm, still experience His peace. God leads me on journey today that will turn all my Bad into something good. As this good is for others not just myself and that is God's Will, to do good for others. I stand tall today being held in God's Arms as I take my ugly past and try to make a beautiful safer future for others.

ROMANS 12:21 "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

Blessed Safe Hugs
Patty Rase Hopson

Blog Party: Meet Kim, My Virtual Teacher

Kim is the founder of Modern B*A*G* Ladies. In a word, Kim is FUN. She is everything you'd want in a friend. Funny, giving, a great listener, a good teacher... It would take me at least ten blog entries to fill you in on all of the interesting information I've found through her. She makes me smile and she makes me think, but most of all she makes me believe that I can do anything I put my mind to, not in spite of, but especially because of the fact that I am a woman. I love Kim because she's REAL, and because she believes in me, in women everywhere. She is also an expert at sharing her joy and shredding fear. Here's what Kim has to say about WHY she does what she does:



Trust me. I know what it’s like keeping it inside, reserving the little fuel I had just for myself. If I raise a healthy, happy family, keep my house clean, pay my bills on time, I am surely doing my part to contribute to the world. My shyness was my security, protecting me from the fear of my own power. If I stepped into my power, I would be responsible for sharing it. I know I was a smart, capable lady, but most days I knew it wasn’t enough. I was expending my fuel for the sake of bought and borrowed beliefs. Somewhere along the way I was convinced that a girl, who didn’t go to college got married and had kids.

So, with one year of junior college under my belt I got married. My husband was self employed, so if I could bring home the security of paid health insurance, well that would be golden. That’s what I did. I put my head down and hunkered into what I thought was expected of me, a safe predictable life. It wasn’t a horrible life. January 1987, my 20 year old self was married. What does a 20 year know about marriage? Well we did go through the “marriage” classes the Catholic Church requires. It was all part of going through those predictable motions. I truly believed that I was in love. We had a son. I was emotionally immature.

I’ll spare you a snooze through the next 19 years of my life, so we’ll fast forward to January 2007. Here’s a recap: divorce, remarriage, 2 children, 8 houses (each more expensive than the next), promotions, debt, etc. From the outside looking it, I would say it all looked pretty normal and predictable. It wasn’t a horrible life. I was exhausted and empty inside. How could this be? I was reserving my fuel. I kept my house clean. I had a great job and we were paying our bills. I honestly thought I was supposed to feel this way.

January 2007 my body knocked me down. I had surgery and the 6 weeks of medical leave that followed allowed my safe predictable life to stop. I sat with myself and thought, “What now? Is this really all there is of me?” I can’t go back to the way it was.” I realized that I needed to strip myself of labels, expose my vulnerabilities and focus more on giving. It also meant I needed to seek out more fuel, open myself up and find other women to guide me. As it turns out, when I shared my fuel it became the most eco-friendly, renewable resource I have ever come to know. As I started to extend myself, the world extended itself back to me and in surprising ways. In its mysterious ways the world started to say “OH Yes” to me.

What would another woman see in me? What do I see in other women? I see me. I see you. This is why I do what I do. I believe women are more alike than they are different. I act by providing a platform for women to share their stories, inspiration and knowledge. I want women to go along their journeys with more understanding and willingness to support each other.

Let’s stand together and BELIEVE in each other. My story is far from over and together we will do amazing things. I am so grateful to know you and proud to stand with you. Thank you for allowing me to share a very small part of my story. Here is a past blog post that seems very fitting to share:



When I see you, I see me. I'm in awe. You're beautiful. You're smart. You're brave. I know you fart.

When I see you. I wonder how to be. That could be bad if that makes me feel less of me. Yes I doubt myself from time to time, but so do you. I know this to be true. When I see me. I see you.

The room is filled with 325 beautiful women. She has style. That one has grace. She can sing. Kelly and I exchange possum stories. Really? Yes really. Its amazing what will bind two complete strangers, so talk and listen. Kelly started a blog a day after we spoke. I love her for that. She has an amazing story. She has overcome so many things and she is making a difference in others' lives. Possum stories? Really? Yes really. I'll never forget Kelly.

Some think Twitter is a waste of time. I met Patti Digh (@pattidigh) via Danielle LaPorte (@daniellelaporte) on Twitter. Their rants, wisdom and love shared through this Twitter thing is part of my customized daily newspaper. There are some pretty cool dudes that find space on these pages as well. Patti says, "Sit the hell down and write." 10-4, Patti. That's what I am doing right now. Danielle says, "I no sooner want to be balanced than I want to be a 'good' girl. 'Balance' is not something I want to live down to." Now this is a good read for us busy, busy, busy, control freaks.

I did a vision board a year ago. Turning my intuition into visual art has resulted in me being awe struck. Click on this vision board link and get going on yours today. Inspire me. Please, please do. When I see you, I see me.

If I told you that I loved you, would you believe me? Believe me or not, I do. Why? Because I can and it makes me feel good. Hating, just sucks.

I know this seems like an odd ending, but you should never fake an orgasm or pretend to be someone you're not. The real you is awe inspiring. The beautiful. The ugly. The hurting. The loving. Don't' fake you. I won't fake me.

Blog Party: Meet Lynn, My Virtual Encourager

Lynn C. Tolson is an author, an advocate and an amazing woman. There are so many things I could tell you about Lynn, but most of all I'd like to tell you that she has been an encouraging friend in the most troubling times of my journey. When I have doubted myself, she has helped me see that telling my story is not some insignificant thing. She has shown me that love and light abound in this movement of survivors sharing their stories. She's been a voice that has stood with me since the beginning of my truth-telling journey. I love Lynn because Lynn is a brave and brilliant woman who takes time out of her day to encourage women everywhere with her wonderful words. Here's a little about Lynn's WHY:


Who? What? Why?

Lynn C. Tolson, advocate and author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor’s Story

For nearly twenty years, I engaged in careers in retail, real estate and property management. Every working day left me feeling unfulfilled, as if I was living a false life. My real life began not by changing jobs, but by putting pen to paper in journal writing sessions. Themes emerged regarding the impact of my sexual abuse, drug addiction, and suicide attempts. By using the journal to write about the problems and solutions discussed in my counseling sessions, a story of transformation evolved. My desire to share a message of healing from trauma became too strong to ignore; the book became a mission. I left the corporate environment to write my story about personal yet universal emotional issues. Although journal writing was a cathartic experience, the book was written with the courage to face my fears, with compassion for myself and others, and a conviction to tell the truth.

Sexual assault, addiction, and suicide are unsolved social problems that carry stigmas. The stigmas cast a code of silence that do not solve problems. The result from not speaking about the crime of sexual assault is too often tragic. Thus, there is a need for real stories of recovery. By bringing my dark secrets to light, it is my hope that others who have had similar experiences will know that they are not alone. Readers may explore their own emotions to open lines of communication, eliminate shame, and experience healing. I also hope that my book promotes understanding of the issues that cause individual suffering and plague our society.

I am an ordinary citizen with an overwhelming mission: to confront violence against women and children. Given that sexual assault, including incest, is a social problem, my goals are to bring awareness to the public and to be an advocate for the victims. Using my life experience and social work education, I hope to offer information that will improve the quality of life for survivors. Perhaps the future will hold enough social change to reduce the need for real stories of recovery and sites such as Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story. In the meantime, know that my purpose as Lynn C. Tolson is in my initials: LCT, Learning, Creating, Teaching, to provide empowerment of our minds, bodies, and spirits. May this generation break the silence that surrounds sexual assault and incest so that future generations may live in peace.

I started the Project for TEARS: Telling Everyone About Rape & Suicide. This is my mission: to comfort victims by sharing my story, confront violence by breaking the silence, challenge society via information and action. So no shed tear is wasted.

The reason I volunteer as an advocate is because I have been called. The rewards are intangible and immeasurable; they come as surprise gifts when something I wrote resonates with another, such as this message:

Lynn, you are the voice of so many voiceless women who are victims of abuse. I would not be surprised at the high numbers you've helped that you'll never hear from. Sometimes all a person needs is knowing there is someone who understands what they've gone through in order to take a step towards ending the abuse. You, dear angel, have a calling and you've found it and I hope you never stop reaching out to those who suffer.

What came upon me as evil in the form of abuse I hope to use for good by speaking out. As one heals, so does another...

Blog Party: Meet Sheena, My Virtual Rock

Sheena is a powerhouse. She reads, she writes, she creates, she LIVES, and she shares so much of her heart with the world that she inspires me beyond words. I love Sheena because she is one of the bravest women I have ever encountered. She has been through more than many of us will ever face in our own lives, and she speaks up about the things that have affected her and the things that matter to her (and to us). When I need a good dose of empowerment, I visit Sheena's website. There's just something about Sheena that you can't put into words. She is so strong... I often see her as my rock. When I think I can't fight anymore, I think of Sheena and I know I can keep going. Here's a little about Sheena's "WHY":




My name is Sheena LaShay and I've been blogging since 2004 and I've been writing since 1991. My writing has always been the most effective way for me to understand my thoughts, process the world and express myself. Because I believe every aspect of my story is shared by someone else, my writing has been a way to connect and encourage others.

I recall writing about the loss of my best friend's sister Tinu and I can not count the emails I've received from teenagers and adults saying, 'Thank You. It's like you are writing my thoughts. You are saying what I don't know how to say."

Or when I wrote during April about Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Friends and strangers would email me sharing their stories too. Women and Men who had been through, survived and/or now thrived passed abuse were saying, "Thank you, please keep writing."

I write because I HAVE to. Becausee I believe we must speak up and speak out about the world in which we live. Whether that's talking about issues like abuse, same sex orientation, death/grief/loss or your favorite recipe to prepare. I believe that we must use our voice. Crime and injustice continues because so many are silent.

I also write because I have four younger siblings ranging in ages from 5 to 16. I don't want to just leave their ideas and understandings of the world up to whom ever. They are bombarded by messages, propoganda, and pressure from school, friends, TV and everything else. Therefore I feel that its my duty as their older sister to share my opinions and experiences too.

I also write for myself. As mentioned above, its my way of processing my thoughts and the world. Having blog post since 2004 all the way to today, I am able to see my own personal growth and evolution. Its encouraging to see the changes, the healing and the accomplishments. To see the growth of viewing myself as poison and tainted to seeing myself as a warrior and goddess is amazing. It makes me excited for who I will be a year from now or ten years from now. And perhaps that will help someone else too. Maybe there is a person going through depression, struggling with dark thoughts and doubting God and maybe they google a phrase and happen upon my site, I'd hope that after awhile they could see that things get better and restoration is possible if they want to choose that.

More specifically, I write about issues of sexual abuse because that is a part of my story. If you spend more than five minutes on my blog, you will see I write about ALL aspects of my story. There are no dark secrets. Being a survivor of sexual abuse is not a horrible, bad topic. It is not taboo. The crime itself is horrific but healing and thriving through and past it is commendable and talking about it sheds light on the epidemic. If writing about various topics in regards to sexual abuse informs a parent or child or person in general, if it encourages someone to speak up and use their voice, if it deters a bastard from hurting someone...then I know God is pleased.

I write because it is an extension of my voice. If I did not write it would be like putting tape over my mouth. I don't believe in that.

If you are interested in reading some of my writings visit me at SheenaLaShay.com or on twitter at Twitter.com/SheenaLaShay or on Facebook at Sociology of Sheena.

Lastly, I just want to say that for everyone reading this, whether you are having a good or bad day, please know that you are a divine, sacred being. You are here and you are alive! Treat every moment as if its holy. You are a wonderful person and if you want to live an empowered life full of joy, choose that.

Blog Party: Meet Amy, My Virtual Counselor

Amy probably doesn't even realize how many things she's said to me over the last few months that have really hit home with me. A while back I hit a rough patch in the road and she was the first person who said, "If you wanna talk about it I'm here." Amy gets me. She has seen a side of me that a lot of people in my community haven't seen (not that I hide this side of myself, it's just not a side that surfaces often)... and she's still just as supportive as the day I "met" her online. I love Amy. Amy is great! And she's tough. Amy makes me want to kick butt. She's definitely being the change she wants to see in the world. Here's her "WHY":


My name is Amy and I am a Probation Officer in Texas. Megan was looking for guest bloggers and I volunteered, thinking I might have something insightful to add! The question to answer is why I do what I do.
I was living in California several years ago, working at a locked psychiatric unit for adolescents. It was the highest level of care in the state and the kids were deemed the “worst of the worst.” These kids were mentally ill, juvenile delinquents and most, if not all, had abuse in their past. I fell in love with the kids and the job. I am not a therapist but I would spend hours talking to these kids about their lives. They offered up the information and I tried to do what I could to listen and maybe help. You really grow to bond with them and I think I miss that the most. I had very little insight into my own past and why I was able to understand these kids so well. I ended up back in Texas for a number of reasons in 2006. When I got here, I ended up with my current job as a Probation Officer. Less than one year into it, I was moved into the Mental Health Caseload. I went from 160 misdemeanors to 40 special needs felons. The reduced caseload is definitely needed, due to the how time consuming these people can be. In the two years I have had this case load, I have realized that these offenders have broken pasts. They were abused in all ways imaginable, which contributed to their mental illness. They are very similar to the kids I worked with, except older and I’m expected to put them in jail if they violate their probation. None of them want to be on probation and most of them shouldn’t be on probation but I hope that I can make a difference in at least one person’s life. I am not their counselor but I do what I can to refer them to the right place and hope they leave my office with better insight than when they first committed their offense. On the down side, many of my offenders don’t make it long term. They are constantly in and out of the system because we have no long term treatment for them. I have realized how broken our system is. Prison and jail do not help these people. The county that I work for has very little in the way of mental health funding. It’s one of the richer counties in the area and it’s believed that just because the socioeconomic status is higher, we don’t have mentally ill people. All of us know how stupid this is but no one with any power will do anything about it. I have talked to my director, county Commissioners and various Judges to make a point but I haven’t gotten very far. I have attended healthcare meetings to give the criminal justice system a voice. Unfortunately, I have learned that the system is designed to protect the rich and that is exactly what happens. I would like to fix this but I struggle with what one person can do with no back up. I want to see this through and stay with this job until there is a change in procedures for people like this. I want to be a part of that change.

Welcome to the Blog Party: Meet Tracie, My Virtual Wondertwin

I call Tracie my "wondertwin" because she and I have so much in common it's almost creepy. Regardless of the difference in our ages (just a few years), we often joke that we simply must have been separated at birth. Tracie makes me laugh - sometimes with a genuine snort or two! She prays for me and loves me to pieces despite my extreme dorkiness and my penchant for side ponytails and 80s music. She is a true cyber sister. I love Tracie! She's officially kicking off the blog party by sharing her "WHY" with us. Here it is:


Megan asked me to write about the "why" behind what I do. That question is so easy and yet so hard to answer.

I have a blog. It isn't a survivor blog. It isn't a mommy blog. It isn't a photography blog. It isn't a recipe blog. It isn't an advocacy blog. It isn't an educational blog. It isn't a silly blog. It isn't a personal journal. It isn't free therapy........it is a combination of all those things.  Okay, except the recipes, those are really not my thing, but everything else is there.

I thought about starting a separate blog.  One just for survivor issues, a place where I could write about the pains and joys of healing.  A place to share about the things that have worked for me.  Then I realized, I already have that place. There is no reason to separate it out, to set it aside like it is shameful or secret.  There is no reason not to let all those mommys, photographers, educators, silly folks, journal readers, bloggers, and friends to know the real me.  The whole story.  The sexual abuse that I survived didn't define who I am, but it did change me, it is a part of me. So is my healing. So is my joy.

Part of the stigma of sexual abuse is the shame and secrecy.  I break that by sharing my story with everyone who stops by to read about my life.  I know there are people living in denial about abuse that happened to them, I did that for years. People who won't read a blog about survivor issues, they don't want to go there. I find those people each time I write about survivor issues on my blog. I have never written a post about surviving that I didn't get more than one person who emailed or messaged me their story and thanked me for being open and honest about mine.

Why do I blog? I blog to give a voice to the survivors who haven't found theirs yet. I blog to share my story. I blog to teach, to give information about how to protect children. I blog to give people an idea what healing is all about. I blog to share hope, to give joy, and to show that even though I was sexually abused for five years as a child, as an adult I live in control of my life, I live in joy.....and I do it all on my blog that talks about every other part of my life as well, it is a little sneaky, but I think it works for me!  I'm also on twitter and facebook, having conversations, sharing news stories, and spreading awareness.

I am a part of the Army of Angels! I honestly can't type that without smiling. There were times in my life when I didn't know how I would make it to the next breath, in those times I hoped and prayed that I could survive and that I could be part of something that would bring healing to other people who had gone through trauma. I'm happy to say that I am there! I am on the conference planning committee for the 2nd Annual Army of Angels Conference - Be Your Own Hero 2010. I couldn't possibly express in words how excited I am about that.  The Army of Angels is such a wonderful supportive community. It is all about the healing and the joy and moving forward and conquering your life. It is beautiful. 


Why am I a part of the Army of Angels? I am in the Army of Angels because I believe that joy and violence can't coexist, and I'm going to fight the violence with all the joy I can spread. I am in the Army of Angels because I believe that support and community are important pieces in the healing puzzle, and I'm honored to be a part of that community. I am in the Army of Angels because I want to provide hope. Healing is real and joyful living is possible, and the fact that someone else violated you or abused you or raped you does not mean that you don't deserve or that you can't have those things. I am in the Army of Angels because I believe that survivors need to stand strong together, raising their voices and making a difference in the world.

I collect joyful yellow things by taking pictures of them and joining with other people to make the Ultimate Yellow Joy Machine.  We ride on it everyday and have some great plans for it!


Why do I spread awareness? There are still a lot of people out there who think a child molester is the guy in the bushes with the dirty trench coat on.  It doesn't occur to them to watch out for people they know. They aren't bad parents, they aren't neglectful and they love their kids....they just don't know. Those are the people I love to find, and talk with, and impact their thinking. I pull up the sex offender registry with them and count how many offenders live in their neighborhood, then I remind them that those are just the ones who have been caught and convicted.

The most important thing I do? I live my life! I love my family and spend time with them each day. I take time to hug my daughter and talk about everything with her, from the silly to the serious. I have tea parties, and dance parties, and movie nights, and snuggle up and read books. I laugh. It might not seem like those things are important in a conversation about surviving and spreading awareness, but they are.....there is no point to telling other people they can have hope and joy if you aren't living in it yourself. I get down sometimes, bad things happen and I struggle, but I have learned not to stay there. Some days the most important thing that someone can hear is that the depression doesn't have to last forever, there are good days ahead.  Life is meant to be lived, not just to float through.  I live my life!

There is a picture that I use on the internet. It is the button for my blog, it is my profile picture on twitter, you will see it pretty much everywhere you see me on the internet.  It represents me and it represents my family.  It represents joy and fun.

Sometimes when you need a little joy, you have to make the choice to get up and walk in it.

It helps if your shoes already feel that joy!

--
Looking for joy in every moment!
Tracie

You Are Not Alone, Jack's Story (Blog-a-thon Post 23)

Dear Survivor,

Jack wants you to know you are not alone. Jack is Bill's son and Marijo's brother. (Read Bill's story in blog-a-thon Post 21, Marijo's story in Blog-a-thon Post 22). Here's what he has to say:

My name is Jack Stem and I'm a recovering addict in my 15th year of recovery (20 years since it began). My sister, Marijo, is a group leader for a support group for those dealing with childhood sexual trauma. The following is a brief synopsis of my own story of addiction and recovery and how I arrived at this place and time in my life. I believe that the environment in which I grew had everything to do with my choices and disease. Both parents were sexually abused as children as well as my sister - none of them told their stories until late in life. My mother took it to her grave and never spoke of it, my father finally told after coming to know of my own daughter’s sexual abuse as well as cocaine addiction and bulimia and my sister told when our father finally broke his silence.

My disease began in early 1990 as a result of chronic pain associated with a spinal deformity. At the time I was a Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist (CRNA) in my eighth year of practice. I had no previous history of substance abuse or dependence and had never tried marijuana or any other mood altering substances. My pain had become more intense and was lasting longer than any other previous episode. After several prescriptions for pain medication my doctor stopped prescribing because he felt my condition had not changed significantly from the last time I'd seen him. Little did I realize my disease of addiction had been triggered. It was at that point that my pain and my addiction led me to begin using medications left over at the end of the day to treat my pain and to help me sleep at night. Because of the potency of the medications I was injecting, my disease progressed rapidly. Within 6 months I was nearly dead. At this point I decided the best way to deal with my addiction was to die. I had prepared a syringe with a combination of medications that would kill me rapidly. While walking to the stall in the locker room to inject my "cocktail" a resident physician with bright red hair came blasting through the door and paced back and forth in front of me. He was obviously very angry about something. Every time I tried to get around him to get into the stall he would walk in front of me. It was clear I wasn't going to get past him so I decided to wait until his temper tantrum was over. During those few minutes I changed my mind (actually, I chickened out!). The instant I made that decision the resident's attitude changed completely! He began apologizing for being such a fool, etc. He shook my hand and left the locker room. When I asked the nurses and doctors who this crazy resident with the bright red hair was, they replied, "There are no residents with red hair in the residency program!" NONE! I have no doubt this man was
an angel sent by God to keep me from murdering the father of my children!

A few days after this incident I ended up having back surgery as a result of increasing muscular weakness in my legs. It turns out there was significant damage to my spine and it was putting pressure on several large nerves leading to my legs. I now have 6 screws and 2 rods in my lower spine. Thankfully the surgery has significantly reduced the number of times I have any back pain. Unfortunately I was now addicted to pain medication. When I returned to work 4 months later I discovered I couldn't resist using those medications anymore. The first day that I chose to inject the medication I had been away from for those 4 months, I accidently
overdosed. Again, God intervened. My 4 year old daughter had forgotten her swimsuit for lessons. They came back to get her suit and she came in to the bedroom to give Daddy a kiss (I was supposedly taking a nap). She told my now ex-wife, "Daddy's a funny color". This incident forced me into treatment. After treatment I struggled for quite awhile. I had periods of clean time, but also had periods of using. It took 5 years, 2 relapses, getting busted, losing my license, losing my marriage and most of my worldly possessions for me to FINALLY start working on my recovery.

I have struggled financially and emotionally over the past 20 years, but the last 15 have been some of the best of my life! Achieving and maintaining recovery is a difficult journey, but it is well worth the effort! I began reaching out to those who suffer with the disease as well as those who love the person with addiction. Today, I'm a peer advisor for Ohio's nurse anesthetists, have an advocacy and consulting business for nurses with addictions, and consult with an attorney who represents nurses facing the board of nursing as a result of addiction. I'm an advocate and a recovery "coach". I try to fill the gap between professional counselors and 12 Step sponsors. With the recent knowledge of sexual abuse through our family’s generational legacy my sister and I have begun to tell our truths - we speak out together and sometimes with our father. I joined a support
group with my dad so he wouldn’t go alone and came to find that the men who have struggled with sexual abuse had many if not all the same symptoms I carried. It is intricately connected and a web of pain whether physical or emotional. I also help moderate online support groups for those in addictions and know how powerful
and healing they can be . . . [Online support sites are] a safe environment to share as well as learn that we are not alone!

Stay tuned for the final post of the blog-a-thon...

Watch the live UStream broadcast of this blog-a-thon by clicking here.

You Are Not Alone, Marijo's Story (Blog-a-thon Post 22)

Dear Survivor,

Marijo wants you to know you are not alone. Marijo is Bill's daughter (read Bill's story in Blog-a-thon Post 21). Here's what she has to say:

Growing up our family unit looked really good on the outside – we all appeared happy and healthy. Inside, secrets that were too deep to be seen were buried within the heart and soul of both parents . . . old wounds, horrors and fears, tucked away but growing like toxic mold infecting the family unit. I was the youngest of 3 – two older brothers and when I turned 9 we inherited a 3rd older brother – my mentally handicapped uncle (my mom’s brother) after my grandparents died. Soon after moving in with us my uncle inappropriately grabbed me and hoped to lure me into much more with candy and snacks. Fortunately I knew better to stop him - but, unfortunately rather than tell either parent I used the threatening wrath of my mother to keep him at bay – I used fear to combat fear. My uncle feared her just like the rest of us. I never viewed this as sexual abuse, but minimized it since he didn’t get too far at the time and his brain was that of a child - so, it couldn’t have been his fault - right? Of course I never asked who’s fault it was, I just assumed it was mine - for close to 40 years (I am now 53). Fear became my best friend - it motivated me more than anything else - mostly it helped me learn how to hide and isolate. I also have very real and vague, strange memories that don’t make sense which I believe are repressed memories of other sexual abuse at a much younger age. I am now beginning to work on that in counseling.

Truth was not in my vocabulary . . . and so the toxic mold grew into a wasteland of terror, anxiety, despair, anger, depression, distrust, and a wrong belief system that my safety and security was up to me because I couldn’t trust that mom would stay in control if she found out and dad seemed more like one of the kids where mom was concerned - he had no authority in our home. I would never tell and I was responsible for my own safety . . . at the age of 9. I don’t think I have ever viewed myself as a child and as a result, I began living like a parent making adult choices, or what should have been choices made by the real adults in my life. I understand now that the emotional separation I experienced – the lack of trust with mom – had much to do with my poor choices and insecurities of low self esteem. My belief system was so skewed and damaged that by age 18 when I discovered drugs, sex and rock and roll – there was no stopping me. I was finally “free” of all my ugliness and un-coolness and literally got lost in the world of promiscuity and unholy-extremely-un-healthy choices, and it felt good. I hated who I was and was determined to create another person - I even had the spelling of my name legally changed at age 15. I did NOT want to be me anymore. Our little family became quite skilled at functioning in, around and under a huge elephant that decided to plant itself smack down in the middle of our home.

Over the years it has come to the surface that both mom and dad lived in homes that were built on sexual, emotional and verbal abuse - so their fears were passed on to their children. Since I have finally begun putting forth the effort on myself and learning about abuse and dysfunction - I have worked out all of the blame I had towards my parents - they did the best they could with what they were taught by their parents.

I now lead support groups for sexually abused women and help with an educational program that we present at our church twice a year dealing with Childhood Sexual Trauma. My motivation is to help stop this pattern and begin to show the victims that they are just that, victims and not at fault and that the shame and guilt does not belong to them. Holding it all in only perpetuates the sickness and untruths. I am also heavily involved with an online support group (via Facebook) that has helped bust the darkness of abuse even more wide open for me. There are literally hundreds of thousands of hurt and abused people out there giving very loud voices now in search of healing, justice and prevention. So many strong and courageous “ordinary” folks doing extraordinary services - I am proud to be a part of it all!


My mantra has become: A kept secret endangers the soul, wounds the heart and infects those close by.

Stay tuned to hear more about how survivors are thriving thanks to support they've received both on and offline.

Watch the live UStream broadcast of this blog-a-thon by clicking here.

You Are Not Alone, Bill's Story (Blog-a-thon Post 21)

Dear Survivor,

Bill wants you to know you are not alone. Bill is now 84 years old. At a young age, he experienced sexual abuse by his peers. At 15, he was molested by a cousin. Here's some of what he has to say:

At 19 while in the service, during a night out on the town, some buddies and I were trying to find a place to sleep. We met another serviceman who offered his room to share. During the night he began to make advances of molestation towards me, but this time I stopped it before anything happened. This left me with many questions of my manhood and self-worth. Anger and fear became my identity.

I had dropped out of high school when I was 16 - I always felt inferior because of my lack of interest in book studies. I bought into the belief that I was stupid. This coupled with the fear and insecurities from the sex abuse had paved the way of a codependent world full of depression, anxieties and a lack of self-esteem.

In April of 1947 I met the woman who would become my wife. And we fit like a glove - little did I know of her own abusive home life. Together our life was driven by her neediness and high-maintenance and my desire to fix, create happiness and give, give, give. I had become her “Knight-in-Shining-Armor” and it all felt wonderful in the beginning.

As life unfolded, verbal and emotional abuse would become my wife’s demeanor and our home would be one of continual unhealthy behaviors and her desperate need to control everything and my need to give up control to please her was what ensued for 60 years.

At the age of 80 I finally told of my story of childhood sexual trauma to my daughter after we had found out that a 3rd granddaughter had experienced sexual violence. Two others had experienced it as tiny young girls and the third while away at college. My wife had died and once these truths came out, I came undone . . . While spilling my story through tears, my own daughter told of her sexual abuse within our own home by my wife’s mentally-handicapped brother. The devastation of this truth is what finally began my journey of healing along with support groups and therapy. My daughter continues to share with all of us through not only the support groups she leads for women who have been sexually abused, but also through an incredible online support community. The many courageous stories she reads and hears daily have proven to make truth our family’s core rather than the foundation of lies and secrets which originally engulfed us all.

I believe speaking out and stopping the silence is one of the most important moves anyone can make in this journey - it then becomes a ripple effect which in turn helps many others. Thanks for reading my story.

Stay tuned for the stories of Bill's children. This family is an excellent example of how one person's healing can make a difference in many, many lives...

Watch the live UStream broadcast of this blog-a-thon by clicking here.

You Are Not Alone, Angela's Story (Blog-a-thon Post 20)

Dear Survivor,

Angela wants you to know you are not alone. Here's what she has to say:

As a girl between the ages of 6 and 13, I experienced incest, other sexual abuse, domestic violence, and mental and emotional trauma. The violence, and, mental and emotional abuse lasted until I left home at 18. From a young age, I was taught, and learned, to wear deceitful masks (a most difficult balancing act), to try and hide the pain and the truth (though I didn't know that's what was happening at the time). I locked it all away as best I could. The best way for me to describe large chunks of my existence, was that of feeling paralyzed (emotionally and mentally). I felt numb a lot - dead in my head and heart. But, the masks hid much of it.

I have struggled with depression (resulting in bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder), anxiety, PTSD, panic attacks, low self esteem, eating disorders, alcoholism, drug use, promiscuity, prostitution, failed relationships, acute emotional collapse, suicidal tendencies, and struggled with school and work performance. For many years, I didn't understand what was happening to me, and when I started to get it, I searched for many more years to find the right answers, and right help.

I found myself on a spiritual healing path. I have learned healthier coping techniques to try and balance everything. I got sober. It has not been easy... with the negativity of the world always sideswiping you, throwing you off course. It has taken me a long time to get where I am. I have spent much of the past few years connecting with loving, caring, people across the world through the internet, and I now enjoy long time cherished relationships with people I not only call my friends... but - my family... Then came Facebook... and, last October of '09...


Mackenzie Phillips disclosed her story, a friend told me, and I began a search online. And, through Facebook, I found and joined the group: We Support Mackenzie Phillips & ALL Survivors Speaking Out Against Abuse. I was going through all manner of emotions and pain. Their stories were my story. I knew this was big, and I thought, "Here It Is!! - Now is the Time" - To fully Admit my truth to myself, and to others. My beautiful new friends, and long time friends alike, lift me up with their love, strength, bravery, and encouragement, and I am now able to stand as they stand with me. Some of it is painful.. but, speaking out and telling the Truth is So Liberating!! It has not been easy.. but, I must tell you - I am HEALING by what I am doing!!.. and I owe much of my success to online support of my friends. - I Am So Blessed.. and, I am so grateful!

Stay tuned for more information and more stories of hop and survival...

Watch the live UStream broadcast of this blog-a-thon by clicking here.

You Are Not Alone, Elizabeth's Story (Blog-a-thon Post 19)

Dear Survivor,

Elizabeth wants you to know you are not alone. Here's what she has to say:

As a child, I was verbally, physically, emotionally, mentally and sexually abused. I don't remember a time when I wasn't afraid. Our home was like a field of landmines, and no matter how carefully you stepped, there was always one going off. Yelling, fighting, hitting, cursing, went on 24 hrs a day. I thought it was normal.

When an uncle [molested me] at age 11, I told my mother immediately. She brushed it off, saying he had been drinking and didn't mean anything by it. Later, she would tell me I was lying about it. At 12 years old, my mother ran off with him (he was her sister's husband), married him, and stayed with him until the day she died. I have been estranged from the rest of my family because they are all either pedophiles or enablers. And to them, I am just an attention seeking liar.

In the warmth and love and truth of the Facebook group, I have found my real family. I am valued here, I am believed here, and I hear my story over and over in their stories, and know I am not alone. From those further in their healing, I learn. To those who are in earlier stages of their process, I teach. We are the family we deserved, not the cesspools in which we somehow survived. Here we thrive on love, hope, honesty, and compassion. All the things we didn't get as children.

Stay tuned for more stories of hope and survival made possible with the help of online support...

Watch the live UStream broadcast of this blog-a-thon by clicking here.

You Are Not Alone, Carmen's Story (Blog-a-thon Post 18)

Dear Survivor,

Carmen wants you to know you are not alone. Here's what she has to say:

I was born in post-war Germany, and I just a couple months old when my parents, were divorced and gave me away to be raised by a poor welfare couple who lived in a three-room hovel without running water or electricity. While this might sound awful, it was ultimately a good thing because looking back, I can see that, had I been raised during my formative years by my natural mother who was an alcoholic and a prostitute, I probably wouldn’t be the person that I am today.

But, what I thought was a “perfect world” came to an end just before I turned nine when my natural mother married an American soldier and together they tore me out of my happy foster home because Mother couldn’t leave Germany unless all the children that she had given up for adoption, were legally adopted. The Neumanns couldn’t adopt me because they were welfare recipients, and so Mother was basically forced to take me back. It was the most traumatic thing that ever happened to me – until, my adoptive father, Austin Forrester, a well-respected Army First Sergeant, began to sexually abuse me just months after my “abduction.” Luckily, my mother divorced him when I was 14, because I’m not sure I would have survived after I began to fight his endless advances. Austin actually put me in the hospital with internal injuries once when I was 14, after I threatened to tell on him. I was so terrified of the man, I lied to the doctors about my bruises, swearing I’d fallen off my horse, into a rockpile...

Suffice it to say, my entire childhood was hell. Life with my mother was an endless barrage of turmoil. By the time I graduated high school in 1969, I had attended 14 different schools and lived in a dozen different places. Whereas Austin had been physically abusive, my mother was mentally abusive, and so, to get away from home, I joined the Army, which was the best decision I could ever have made because it culminated in a very successful 22-year career as an Army journalist with a college degree and a business college diploma. But my personal relationships never got off the ground until I found my way to God at age 44. These events are all outlined in my book, “Rags to Rabbi” which can be purchased at Amazon.

Groups like this one are so very, very important, because they not only help us to find the courage to speak out BECAUSE of the moral support of others, but they let you know you aren't alone in this. When I was a child victim of mental and physical abuse, I honestly thought I was the only one these things were happening to. Well, today, I am NOT alone anymore - thank God!

Stay tuned... more survivor stories will follow.

Watch the live UStream broadcast of this blog-a-thon by clicking here.

You Are Not Alone, Lynn's Story (Blog-a-thon Post 17)

Dear Survivor,

Lynn wants you to know you are not alone. Here's what she has to say:

As a survivor of sexual abuse, including incest, and as an advocate for victims, I peruse internet sites in search of support, resources, and research. In September, 2009, when Mackenzie Phillips’ memoir “High On Arrival” was published, I watched her interviews. I wanted to hear what others were saying. That’s when I found the Facebook group: “We Support Mackenzie Phillips’ Decision to Speak Out Against Abuse.”

“You will remember… nothing.” I heard that phrase from my father repeatedly when I was a child. He was using pseudo-hypnosis to force me to forget what he was doing to me, which was, he said, my “duty as his daughter.” Then, when I was 12, my older brother forced himself on me, and used that phrase “You will remember…. Nothing.” (I don’t know if our father had used that phrase to hypnotize my brother, or if my brother over-heard it when our father was sexually abusing me.) I trained my mind to forget; the temptation to tell was replaced by the habit of not telling.

Incest was not the only experience I kept to myself. I did not know that I was not supposed to be in the corner bar with my father (when I was 8 and 10). By the time I was 15, my father’s doctor (a cardiologist) was giving me amphetamines, (Dexedrine and Benzedrine). My father told me that if I ever experimented with drugs, he would rather I get them from him
“than some scum bag on the streets.” When I was 17, I had to testify in court that my step-mother gave me Valium, and my father smoked pot with me. By the time I was 18, I was a full-blown addict, hell-bent on self-destruction by shooting meth and cocaine (see my memoir Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor’s Story).

Due to therapy after an over-dose, I was in my twenties when I stopped using speed. Yet I did not get to the reason for the drug abuse until I was in my forties. The secrets and shame shrouded me in silence until I was 43. It took me 3 decades to tell of what had been done to me! A return to therapy helped me put the fragmented pieces of my shattered heart together again.

Now, in my fifties, I share my story so others who are survivors of incest know that they are not alone. Groups such “We Support Mackenzie Phillips” have shown me that survivors can thrive in unity. “Our wounds are not a measure of one individual’s sad fate, but an indication of our unity with others.”

Stay tuned for more stories of survivors who gain strength from online support...

Watch the live UStream broadcast of this blog-a-thon by clicking here.

You Are Not Alone, Sonia's Story (Blog-a-thon Post 16)

Dear Survivor,

Sonia wants you to know you are not alone. Here's what she has to say:

I'm a 27 year old incest survivor who was molested by my step-father from 6th-8th grade. When I was being bullied at school, my step-dad saw it as an opportunity to "groom me." I didn't know much about sex, healthy relationships and healthy boundaries. On top of that, I felt terrible about myself due to being bullied and being undermined by my narcissistic mom. Hence, my step-dad viewed his abuse as "sex education and a way to help me out." My step-dad taught me that being sexual is how you get love, validation, and power from people. He taught me that sex is how you cope with your problems... Sex is supposed to be a pleasurable act of love, but I learned that it was about power, control, humiliation and anger bundled up together. My step-dad told me to swear to God to never tell anyone, or that he would get into trouble. When you're a compassionate 12 year-old, what else are you supposed to do?

All of these "lessons" can severely impact how a child views the world and herself. I was showing classic signs of a sexually abused kid by acting very seductive and displaying sexual knowledge that most kids my age didn't know. It was a "cry for help", but none of the adults around me did anything. Even trained psychologists didn't try to address the topic of possible sexual abuse! I'm saying this to let people know that some therapists don't know much about detecting sexual abuse or know how to handle it. My current therapists are shocked to hear how my previous therapists missed the "in your face" red flags I was displaying as a kid. It's sad that the people who were supposed to help me turned the other cheek.

I was too terrified to directly tell anyone. My parents were rich model citizens that presented themselves well in the community. I felt that nobody would believe me or do anything about it, if I told. After all, my behavior led me to look like a "bad kid giving her parents hell." In reality, my step-dad's sexual abuse and my mom's verbal/emotional abuse was the reason for my behavior! My mom used to brainwash me how we would be living on the streets without our step-dad. When you live with abusive parents, you're terrified of just how much more evil the outside world is! All I knew how to do was act sexual, depressed and anxious to cope with what was going on. I kept my mouth shut about the actual abuse for many years, but this led me to engage in self-destructive behavior (abusive relationships, etc).

When I did tell, my mom threw it in my face by saying it's my fault. She scolded me for keeping quiet and how the abuse "wasn't that bad." People judge us for not telling, but I sometimes feel that telling can make it worse. While I don't want to discourage other incest survivors from sharing their story, I have encountered cruel people that won't understand where we're coming from. I'm sorry to say that I lived in a wealthy area that probably would have labeled me a disease, if word got out that I was a victim of incest. I'm glad that there ARE communities where survivors can get the help and love that they deserve. I am lucky to find other sources of support, such as this facebook group. It's comforting to know that other people have gone through what I have been through, and won't judge me.

Stay tuned... there are more survivors who want to share their stories with you...

Watch the live UStream broadcast of this blog-a-thon by clicking here.

You Are Not Alone, Vivian's Story (Blog-a-thon Post 15)

Dear Survivor,

Vivian wants you to know you are not alone. Here's what she has to say:

After months of therapy, I still lacked any memories more concrete than a couple of still images, like snapshots, plus a collection of symptoms, nightmares and emotions. Not having any more definite "proof," I doubted myself, wondered if anyone else had such odd memories, and felt alone.

I can still recall the enormous relief that washed over me when I read the first response to some questions I had posted in the support group, which indicated that I was not alone, that someone else had nothing more than still images. Similar responses followed. It freed me to put less energy into my doubt and more into recovering from what probably had, in fact, happened to me.

Books can help too but are not always enough. None of the books I'd read had let me understand that my situation was not unique. Rather, they'd given me the impression that such fragmentary memories will be followed by others until the event is filled in. This had not happened at the time, and still hasn't happened today. Books can't replace the opportunity to talk with other people who have been there. That is what this group gave me, and it was of great value to me.

Stay tuned for more stories of survivors finding hope and help and healing online...

Watch the live UStream broadcast of this blog-a-thon by clicking here.

You Are Not Alone, Renee's Story (Blog-a-thon Post 14)

Dear Survivor,

Renee wants you to know you are not alone. When Renee was very young, she was raped by a cousin. Later she was sexually abused by her father. She turned to food for comfort and struggled with the abuse's effects for years. Here's some of what she has to say:

I sought out all kinds of books and the now more vocal TV shows on people being overweight and sexually abused being connected. This is when the talk shows were finally saying something about sexual abuse during the 80's. I later found a incest survivor group, and a therapist to deal with all of my anger and betrayal for my mom and my dad. Why didn't they take me to a doctor for help when I first told about my cousin? Then again, when I was molested by my father? I had a lot of unspoken rage to purge on that subject. I did a lot of the suggested therapy writings, and anger workshops to help my own family establish healthier boundaries.

I got to confront both of my perpetrators that changed my life forever. Both ironically died in the same year. My cousin had been a perpetrator to many other friends of his sisters and family members. His family had many different types of abuses in them. His dad killed his beloved mom and then himself in their 70's. My cousin killed himself a year or so later.

I found this group about supporting Mackenzie Phillips because I was curious and did in fact want Mackenzie to know that I believe her and validate her and all the others that had their loving trusting fathers twist our need for a healthy relationship to a sick violated one. I stand behind her and all the other woman and men trying to stop this abuse. Even at this point, I try to be discreet in who and how I tell my story. I still have a need to protect the family image for my mom and dad's sake, even more than they tried to protect me during their shame.

This is an ongoing healing process to be a survivor of childhood sexual trauma. People don't understand that we have absolutely no trust for anyone because of our parents' betrayal. All of our relationships have and will be a product of what we do with this fact from here on out. I chose to forgive, and become better in my own daily walk with Christ as my guide.

God bless you all for giving us the space to speak and in turn help someone else.

Stay tuned for more stories of healing and hope and online support...

Watch the live UStream broadcast of this blog-a-thon by clicking here.