"We can throw stones, complain about them, stumble on them, climb over them, or build with them." - William Arthur Ward
"Finding Angela Shelton" - Day Thirteen...
Again, Angela Shelton brings us a great analogy: the hamster on the wheel. Have you ever gotten to a point in your healing where you feel like you're stuck? Like you're running on a hamster wheel?
The "stuck" phase always reminds me of the dreaded "Blue Screen of Death" that pops up when my desktop computer decides to shut down on me. My brain gets overwhelmed, I can't stop dwelling on things, and WHIRRRRRRRRR!!! My system overloads... and up comes the blue screen. It looks a little something like this:
Today's task: Have Another B*tch Session.
Ms. Shelton's advice for today is to have my "b*tch session" support person(s) help me by pointing out when I begin to repeat myself during the purging process. She tells me not to worry about trying to fix the repeats... just to be aware of them and make notes on them because I can use those notes as a place to start changing behaviors and patterns.
I will complete this task with my journal by my side. I know the things that I get stuck on, the things that I constantly repeat when venting, are the very things that I am holding on to with all my might. They are the things I need to let go of most. They are the things that get me stuck on the proverbial hamster wheel. They bring up the Blue Screen of Death in my life. The things I keep repeating are the "glitches" that are capable of shutting me down.
My notes from today's task can do one of two things: they can give me something to work on or they can give me something to dwell on. Work on it or dwell on it... Should I continue to b*tch or ditch the glitch and move on? It's my choice. I choose to work on it, because I don't want to spend the rest of my life on a hamster wheel, or constantly rebooting my brain when that blue screen pops up. I choose to work on it because I don't just want to exist, I want to LIVE!
3 comments:
Megan, Facebook is a hamster wheel and I have to get off, LOL. But I still need to read your blogs because they're irresistible. And I'll still be around. I'm good about priorities usually. What happened to me is that I found something important -- your group -- and I found something I needed more of -- friendship and support. It happened to be a cause I believe strongly in, and coincided with a book project for that very cause. It's not that I was stuck on the wheel doing something negative. It's something positive, and I won't give it up completely. This two months has made a major difference in my life, I want you to know that. The time I sacrificed from my writing was both exhilarating and draining -- like anything you put your heart and soul into. I'll be in touch, checking in briefly, very briefly most of the time. Thanks again for making me a part of it all, including your life. :D
Lori, I understand. I want you to know that you will always have a place in my life. I'm glad you're a part of it and I'm thankful for everything you've done. I can't wait to read your book! I am so proud to call you my friend. =)
Thanks. Same here, Megan. :)
Okay, I can go write now. Right now.
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