Tuesday, December 01, 2009
It Rhymes With Glitch
"We can throw stones, complain about them, stumble on them, climb over them, or build with them." - William Arthur Ward
"Finding Angela Shelton" - Day Thirteen...
Again, Angela Shelton brings us a great analogy: the hamster on the wheel. Have you ever gotten to a point in your healing where you feel like you're stuck? Like you're running on a hamster wheel?
The "stuck" phase always reminds me of the dreaded "Blue Screen of Death" that pops up when my desktop computer decides to shut down on me. My brain gets overwhelmed, I can't stop dwelling on things, and WHIRRRRRRRRR!!! My system overloads... and up comes the blue screen. It looks a little something like this:
Today's task: Have Another B*tch Session.
Ms. Shelton's advice for today is to have my "b*tch session" support person(s) help me by pointing out when I begin to repeat myself during the purging process. She tells me not to worry about trying to fix the repeats... just to be aware of them and make notes on them because I can use those notes as a place to start changing behaviors and patterns.
I will complete this task with my journal by my side. I know the things that I get stuck on, the things that I constantly repeat when venting, are the very things that I am holding on to with all my might. They are the things I need to let go of most. They are the things that get me stuck on the proverbial hamster wheel. They bring up the Blue Screen of Death in my life. The things I keep repeating are the "glitches" that are capable of shutting me down.
My notes from today's task can do one of two things: they can give me something to work on or they can give me something to dwell on. Work on it or dwell on it... Should I continue to b*tch or ditch the glitch and move on? It's my choice. I choose to work on it, because I don't want to spend the rest of my life on a hamster wheel, or constantly rebooting my brain when that blue screen pops up. I choose to work on it because I don't just want to exist, I want to LIVE!