Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Meggs: Mighty Warrior Princess? Sure!
Are you able to use your sword yet or is it still stuck deep inside your gut, holding you back and keeping you immobilized in fear and shame?
"Finding Angela Shelton" - Day Twenty...
Today's task: 20 minutes of SWORDPLAY!
After yesterday's time of sadness, today I was ready to release some of the tension I had built up and face some of the fears that come from knowing I'm a wee bit vulnerable right now... and you know what? Today was awesome. Today was empowering. Today gave me more energy to keep fighting, to keep healing. It certainly made me feel STRONG and MIGHTY and in control!
My boys are home from school today because of the snow, so we did this task together. Together, we stood in the living room, swords in hand, ready for battle. Together, we yelled and shouted and poked and swatted and stabbed and sliced at pillows we had perched on the couch. We pretended that each pillow was something we were afraid of and we pretended our swords were magical and wonderful things that had the power to make those frightful foes disappear. We kicked some plushy pillow butt if I do say so myself!
Speaking of kicking butt... so many of you tell me how much you admire me and how strong I am. Let me remind you that you are talking to the girl who used to literally burn herself and beat the living crap out of herself on a daily basis. I am the girl who used to take scalding hot showers because she thought the scum she was covered in wasn't ever going to wash away. I am the girl who took pills to sleep her life away, the girl who's spent more than a few nights in the psych ward. I haven't always been as strong as I am today. It's taken time, and it's taken help. The help of friends. The help of family. The help of professionals. If you're still not able to move beyond the pain, hang in there. Hang in there, but remember that this is a choice. You can't expect things get better if you're not taking the steps to make them better. If you're still stuck in the trauma, the only difference between you and me is that I asked for help, and I'm not a bit ashamed of that. Why should you be?
Make the choice to forge ahead with your healing. I did. And I will never regret it or apologize for it, because I am THRIVING like nobody's business and I am PROUD of the warrior I've become. Yup. I said it. I'm proud of myself. I should be. I'd love to see you become proud of yourself too. Toot your own horn every now and then. A survivor is a survivor is a survivor, and if you're reading my blog, chances are that's exactly what you are! You deserve some recognition for making it another day. I AM PROUD OF YOU! I am proud of you. I am proud of you. I am proud of you.
Are you gettin' me here? You're still alive. That alone deserves some applause! Seriously! YOU are strong. YOU are brave. YOU are mighty. YES YOU ARE! Find your voice and use your sword. Heal. Show others it's possible. The reward you will receive is indescribable. The joy you will find is immeasurable. And the people you will meet are unforgettable... because their stories become a part of yours. And you'll love them for it.
I love you all. And don't you forget it. Thank you for being a part of my story!
So until next time... happy healing!