Sunday, February 07, 2010

You Are Not Alone, Angela's Story (Blog-a-thon Post 20)

Dear Survivor,

Angela wants you to know you are not alone. Here's what she has to say:

As a girl between the ages of 6 and 13, I experienced incest, other sexual abuse, domestic violence, and mental and emotional trauma. The violence, and, mental and emotional abuse lasted until I left home at 18. From a young age, I was taught, and learned, to wear deceitful masks (a most difficult balancing act), to try and hide the pain and the truth (though I didn't know that's what was happening at the time). I locked it all away as best I could. The best way for me to describe large chunks of my existence, was that of feeling paralyzed (emotionally and mentally). I felt numb a lot - dead in my head and heart. But, the masks hid much of it.

I have struggled with depression (resulting in bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder), anxiety, PTSD, panic attacks, low self esteem, eating disorders, alcoholism, drug use, promiscuity, prostitution, failed relationships, acute emotional collapse, suicidal tendencies, and struggled with school and work performance. For many years, I didn't understand what was happening to me, and when I started to get it, I searched for many more years to find the right answers, and right help.

I found myself on a spiritual healing path. I have learned healthier coping techniques to try and balance everything. I got sober. It has not been easy... with the negativity of the world always sideswiping you, throwing you off course. It has taken me a long time to get where I am. I have spent much of the past few years connecting with loving, caring, people across the world through the internet, and I now enjoy long time cherished relationships with people I not only call my friends... but - my family... Then came Facebook... and, last October of '09...

Mackenzie Phillips disclosed her story, a friend told me, and I began a search online. And, through Facebook, I found and joined the group: We Support Mackenzie Phillips & ALL Survivors Speaking Out Against Abuse. I was going through all manner of emotions and pain. Their stories were my story. I knew this was big, and I thought, "Here It Is!! - Now is the Time" - To fully Admit my truth to myself, and to others. My beautiful new friends, and long time friends alike, lift me up with their love, strength, bravery, and encouragement, and I am now able to stand as they stand with me. Some of it is painful.. but, speaking out and telling the Truth is So Liberating!! It has not been easy.. but, I must tell you - I am HEALING by what I am doing!!.. and I owe much of my success to online support of my friends. - I Am So Blessed.. and, I am so grateful!

Stay tuned for more information and more stories of hop and survival...

Watch the live UStream broadcast of this blog-a-thon by clicking here.

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