Saturday, February 06, 2010
You Are Not Alone, Renee's Story (Blog-a-thon Post 14)
Renee wants you to know you are not alone. When Renee was very young, she was raped by a cousin. Later she was sexually abused by her father. She turned to food for comfort and struggled with the abuse's effects for years. Here's some of what she has to say:
I sought out all kinds of books and the now more vocal TV shows on people being overweight and sexually abused being connected. This is when the talk shows were finally saying something about sexual abuse during the 80's. I later found a incest survivor group, and a therapist to deal with all of my anger and betrayal for my mom and my dad. Why didn't they take me to a doctor for help when I first told about my cousin? Then again, when I was molested by my father? I had a lot of unspoken rage to purge on that subject. I did a lot of the suggested therapy writings, and anger workshops to help my own family establish healthier boundaries.
I got to confront both of my perpetrators that changed my life forever. Both ironically died in the same year. My cousin had been a perpetrator to many other friends of his sisters and family members. His family had many different types of abuses in them. His dad killed his beloved mom and then himself in their 70's. My cousin killed himself a year or so later.
I found this group about supporting Mackenzie Phillips because I was curious and did in fact want Mackenzie to know that I believe her and validate her and all the others that had their loving trusting fathers twist our need for a healthy relationship to a sick violated one. I stand behind her and all the other woman and men trying to stop this abuse. Even at this point, I try to be discreet in who and how I tell my story. I still have a need to protect the family image for my mom and dad's sake, even more than they tried to protect me during their shame.
This is an ongoing healing process to be a survivor of childhood sexual trauma. People don't understand that we have absolutely no trust for anyone because of our parents' betrayal. All of our relationships have and will be a product of what we do with this fact from here on out. I chose to forgive, and become better in my own daily walk with Christ as my guide.
God bless you all for giving us the space to speak and in turn help someone else.
Stay tuned for more stories of healing and hope and online support...
Watch the live UStream broadcast of this blog-a-thon by clicking here.