Saturday, February 06, 2010

You Are Not Alone, Little Di's Story (Blog-a-thon Post 11)

Dear Survivor,

Little Di wants you to know you are not alone. She was sexually abused at about 7-9 years of age by an uncle. She was later abused by her father, and also by an older cousin. Here's what she has to say:

What I remember the most vividly is being in my father's room while he was doing whatever to me and my mind leaving my body, listening to my friends playing outside and wishing I was there with them. The picture I chose to share with my story reflects that, but the irony of the picture is that it's titled "Waiting On Daddy". I also only remember little bits from my childhood until I was about maybe 12 or 13 years old. My abuse went on until my later teens. It only stopped when he and my mother separated. It happened (I think) one more time when I went to visit him and after that I would not go visit him alone. A boyfriend (or later, my husband) always went with me.

Also during my pre-teen years and my early teens, my father would have card parties. I had an older cousin who would pretend to go to the bathroom and come in my room and abuse me. I don't remember how many times this happened. Adult men have touched me inappropriately, and I even had a boss who kissed me in an elevator out of the blue. It took time and therapy for me to stop believing that I was the bad person. For a long time, I felt I was the one causing all these things to happen to me.

The reason I joined the Facebook group is because not too many women talk about sexual abuse with their own biological fathers. I was so proud of Mackenzie Phillips for finally speaking about it. When I found the group, it was such a relief to feel I was not alone. When my father acted like a dad, I loved him dearly. He was my confidant and I miss him horribly. I know that is hard for many people to understand, but like Mackenzie, I separated the abusive "bad man" from my daddy. It is so hard to talk about that dynamic, but I know that some of the people in our group can understand me and not judge me. For that I am so grateful for this group.

The painting in this blog post (Waiting on Daddy) is used with the express permission of the artist, Merryl Jaye. Little Di and I would like to thank her for blessing us by allowing us to use the painting in my blog-a-thon.

Stay tuned for more stories of survival and support...

Watch the live UStream broadcast of this blog-a-thon by clicking here.

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